It has been a big week of sickness in our home that resulted in me getting urine in my handbag and swallowing a dog worming tablet.
I am not sure I should be confessing all of this but here goes.
I had the classic signs of covid but I also had sore kidneys and recent problems with a blood infection so off I toddled to the doctor feeling miserable and generally more sooky than a tired 2 year old child. The doctor was most unimpressed I had come to the medical centre at all as he did not want to catch covid as he was going overseas later that week. This baffled me but I pushed forward and went to the toilet to do a urine sample.
Sorry for over sharing.
Anyway, I was so unprepared for this and the toilet had a dodgy lock so I was feeling very nervous about the whole gross situation when my hand touched the inner bowl of the toilet. Gag. Vomit. Game over. I started doing wild hand gesticulations and dry reaching. I raced to the vanity where of course the soap pumper was empty. Convinced I had contacted tetanus, typhoid and the Plague from touching a toilet bowl at a medical centre I threw the specimen jar in the plastic bag and popped it in my prized possession, my white Gucci handbag, to hide it from patients at reception.
I then proceeded to walk to reception to find the tiny jar had leaked and there was wee all through my white leather handbag. I literally needed to take ten deep breaths to calm down and process it all.
I am not sure what the poor lady working there thought.
I had to go back to the crime scene and repeat the process. I went home exhausted and scooped my antibiotics out of the bowl on the kitchen bench and swallowed one round white tablet to realise it was the dog worming tablets. I literally just took myself to bed and pulled the covers over my head.
Turns out I did not have covid (I would like it over and done with to be honest) and I am on the mend. A few things have come from this disaster. I will never return to that medical centre out of sheer embarrassment.
And the Gucci bag has been renamed the GuccWee.