New Years Resolutions Update
So in a true testament to what an un-made bed I am, I will be outlining my very loose-half- baked -small resolutions I may attempt for a few months this year. Some people call these goals ‘New Year’s Resolutions’. Some people are resolute when it comes to their will and determination to make their goals come true. I am not one of these people.
In fact, I am pretty sure devising a list of dodgy resolutions as late as February disqualifies me before I even start. But let’s push on! So here is my list of stuff I will try to achieve half- heartedly for a few months before quitting/giving up/getting bored or plain forgetting my ‘I Will Give It A Crack’ list. Now losing credit card debt and weight are both givens. Every girl knows that.
Number 1: I am going to learn how to ‘floss’. My dentist will be excited if he bothers to read this column but I actually refer to the dance craze that swept the world last year where you swing your arms madly from side to side and thrust your hips in the opposite direction. It is deceptively tricky despite the fact my 4 year old can do it. I could never do the Nutbush or The Macarena all those decades ago and it really bugged me so I am going to make sure I can nail flossing.
Number 2. I am going to buy some of those stainless steel straws. Look, I actually do not even know what material they are made from but they could very well be whipped up from rainbow coloured unicorn hair because they are so damn hard to find when you need a straw. I know straws are killing our world. I do. It is just that I really miss them. I didn’t think they would really just up and leave from everywhere. And I get my righteous and cranky pants on every time I am served some delicious treat with crushed ice when I try to tip that beverage up to inhale it only to have the slush dump all over my face. Or I spend half the night trying to force my tongue down the side of a glass in an effort to get the very last drop of that frozen margarita. Sipping from a straw is so elegant. So fancy.
My uber- trendy friend snapped at me when I told her I secretly miss the past abundance of straws. I was not ready to break up with Mr Straw. I know it was him not me. He was full of toxicity and will leave a scar on the world. He just wanted one night stands all the time. But still, the struggle is real. My girlfriend very simply stated, “Well, world polluter, just go by 5 of the steel ones and have them in your handbag, in your car, at home and at work. You can buy them from everywhere including K-Mart and they come with a cleaning straw.” I am not quite sure how I missed these straws being at The Holy Grail of K-Mart as usually I am strolling those aisles every week with a keen eye for new products.
I have clearly let myself go this Summer in more ways than one. And the thought of cleaning out your own straw is plain gross. Stop the hate mail! I know! I know! We are doing it for the dugongs but I am allowed to have a whinge. And finally, number 3 on my ‘I Will Give It A Crack’ list: to perfect buying the perfect avocado. Do you know how tricky this is to do? They are either too expensive or rock hard.
I wait for days hoping they will feel soft under my touch. I let the little bludgers lie on my kitchen bench and wrap them up in warm little paper packets at night. I talk to them and hold them every day and whisper to them that they can ripen if they try really hard so I do not have to spend $20 at the café on smashed avocado on sour dough. And those lazy little stubborn things betray me every time and turn within a few hours from hard as a brick to brown and rotten. Avocadoes are more complicated than Mariah Carey. Well, good luck with your list of goals for the year: may we all make it one day at a time.
– Sami xx