I am confused with Gwyneth Paltrow’s new whacky product line.

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I am confused with Gwyneth Paltrow’s new whacky product line.

I am in a state of confusion when it comes to Gwyneth Paltrow and her new whacky product line.

Aside from acting, the mum-of- two has made a name for herself for selling luxury items via her lifestyle brand Goop. She has released a $75 candle that made headlines around the world and has a name you will not forget. It is called the “This smells like my vagina” candle. True story.

Who the heck is making – let alone buying – a candle that supposedly smells like, well, um, your cha- cha. Yes I am a grown woman but I cannot bring myself to write the correct anatomical term when it comes to describing the scent of a candle. I have no problem with the word most of the time but ‘Cha- cha’ sounds much less graphic and more wax friendly! Yes I agree it also sounds a whole lot more immature. The candle has sold out around the world.

So either a whole lot of sickos are buying it or there I am just too ignorant to understand a classy product when faced with one. The product description reads “With a funny, gorgeous, sexy and beautifully unexpected scent, this candle is made with geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed to put us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth.” I could not make this stuff up if I tried.

I love a candle but clearly I am peasant when it comes to the smells I favour that range about as wide spread as vanilla and citronella. If I am getting super fancy I may buy a lemon scent but that is as crazy as I go. And they can best be described in one word when it comes to their scent as smelling of “vanilla” or “lemon”. Go figure! How terribly boring of me to just use one word when it comes to what they smell like.

I could do with some heavy duty candles in my house because if I had to label some of the unpleasant scents in my home they would go a little like this: “Foul stench of family and TV room that smells like a vet where all the animals are wet and have been rolling in fertiliser”.

I have another distinct scent that is best summed up as “This school backpack smells like a small animal has died in here and been left for 4 months”. And my personal favourite scent is one of not so subtle notes that permeates from the fridge and is roughly best summed up as “Something is rotting in this cesspit of a white box if I were you I would hold my breath and make a run for it before you gag to death”.

I feel I need to send Gwyneth an email requesting some work be put into making candle fragrances that reflect reality! But where is the fun in that I suppose! Yankee Candle company just announced its annual Scent of the Year and it is called “Awaken”. It smells of sage and driftwood and flowers.

Perhaps it is a not so subtle message to Gwyneth! May you have good scents surrounding you for the week ahead!

Sami xx

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