Introducing the Vegeknife.
Who loves Vegemite?
Well, a game changer is out that would make my life so much better. I would feel like Nigella Lawson in the kitchen with this new knife. Introducing the Vegeknife.
Those crafty people at Vegemite have invented a double-headed knife that allows you to spread butter with one end of the knife and Vegemite with the other end of the knife. It is even colour coded for each spread. Genius.
It eliminates cross contamination and cuts down your dish washing duties. I need one. I want one. My heart has been searching for the Vegeknife my whole life and I did not even know it. To quote Dan Hartman “I can dream about you. If I cannot hold you tonight. I can dream about you. You know how to hold me just right.” Yes, Vegeknife, I can indeed dream about you. I mean it is the pits when you get vegemite in the butter container and those pesky crumbs from the burnt toast end up going in the margarine and the vegemite and it is one big ugly unsightly mess. But this little utensil is going to make my heart fulfilled.
There is a big catch of course. You can only win the damn knife. You cannot buy it. In just 2 days of holding the competition to give away a lousy 200 Vegeknives, the company received 25 thousand entries from losers such as myself trying to win the new weapon in the breakfast toast war. Not great odds. Why has this amazing invention never been released before?
We have a see-through toaster which I think is brilliant. We have a dog bowl that can fill itself with water when it runs dry. And we have all sorts of crazy watches that tell you how many steps you have walked and can send messages to friends and even read your heart rate but we do not have the best thing of all: a knife to stop me going bonkers when the black spread mingles with the butter.
You see Vegemite has a special place in my heart. I was raised on the stuff in the 80’s when white bread and Vegemite was my lunch every day. Mum threw in an apple and a Roll Up and every so often I was allowed a sausage roll from tuckshop. I never dreamed of asking for what my kids have for lunch: sushi, dried apricots, cous cous, celery sticks. All served in tiny little square compartments in their bamboo organic hipster style lunch boxes that are housed in chiller boxes with ice bricks from my fridge.
The lunch making chore is something I dread most nights. But when I give my kids a Vegemite or jam sandwich? They love it. They eat it. Why am I knocking myself out on trying to make lunches worthy of Jamie Oliver when it all seems to be a big fat waste of time. When I turned 40 my hubby swept me away to Paris to fulfil a life-long dream of swooning over the Eiffel Tower. We had an amazing meal in the French landmark. But the best meal of my life? My sister came to the hospital after a rocky labour with my first baby and made me a cup of tea and Vegemite. I will never forget how good it tasted.
So. I think my chances of winning the new knife are pretty slim. I am not a lucky person with winning stuff. But I have a fun Friday night planned for the family. We are going to make home-made shivs with two blades. Just like they do in jail. What could go wrong? Wish us luck!